Socialist Lavatory League

Somewhere in the 1970s diaries of enthusiastic sadist, critic, buttock fetishist (most memorably, viz: 'the buttocks are the most aesthetically pleasing part of the body because they are non-functional. Although they conceal an essential orifice, these pointless globes are as near as the human form can ever come to abstract art')_ and first person to say 'fuck' on telly Kenneth Tynan, is a recounting of a dream of the 'socialist lavatory league', a clandestine revolutionary organisation dedicated to the collectivisation of toilets. A utopia in which the very concept of the 'private toilet' is abolished. This is perhaps a situation as close to paradise as any I could imagine.



Walk round London and you can't fail to notice at specific points huge, gothic, palatial public toilets. You also can't fail to notice that they have, invariably, been closed down. Its as if capitalism is now hurtling back to a time before even the public amenities of the 1860s. This being, for reasons connected with the rather unpleasant chronic disease from which I suffer, a subject close to my heart. Grotesquely, Central London is beset with public amenities that only allow standing room- space age pods with automatic doors, rarely if ever open, a perfect demonstration of an allegedly dynamic system incapable of providing even the simplicities of a cistern.

So then comrades, I propose we re-open the toilets, smash the gates, go door to door in Hampstead and demand at gun point the use of their facilities! Incontinents of the world unite, you have nothing to empty but your bowel!